AVOID A FIRST IMPULSE

"By acting on our first impulse, we tend to reinforce the child's behavior patterns, rather than to correct them." - Rudolph Dreikurs

Children are skilled at pushing our buttons. They only use what works. When we respond to our first impulse, we are often playing right into their hands. We must take a moment to think before we respond to our child's misbehavior. Our first impulse is usually a reaction to the situation and not a well thought out response. Mindful parenting requires us to slow down, act with patience and remain calm.

APPRECIATION IS A WONDERFUL THING

"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." -Voltaire

Whenever we express appreciation to others, we recommit ourselves to those same values and principles. Appreciation is a powerful antidote to discouragement, despair and poor self-esteem. Children who feel appreciated by their parents are happier and more productive. They are also more cooperatives and cheerful. As parents it's easy to become so preoccupied with trying to correct our children's behavior that we fail to appreciate them. Make a point to tell your children each day what to appreciate about them. It is not enough to simply know that you appreciate them, is important to tell them.

BRINGING OUT THE BEST

"Loving a child doesn't mean giving in to all his whims: to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult." -- Nadia Boulanger

Boulanger was a famous music educator who taught pupils from all around the world. As a teacher, she was familiar with dealing with things that were difficult. She was highly regarded among her peers as an excellent teacher. In the above quotation she makes a clear distinction between coddling children and loving them, that is bringing out the best in them.

ACTION NOT WORDS

Children tend to become "parent-deaf" and act only when we raise our voices in a threatening manner.

When they are continually addressed in this manner, they only respond momentarily. In most cases, children know what we expect of them. By over-using our loud, threatening voice, we are conditioning our children to ignore ordinary conversation. Parents who raise their voices in an attempt to control their children are using their loud voice as a remote control device. They are too lazy to walk over to the child and speak in a calm but firm voice. Instead they yell from across the room -- or from another room-- in an unfriendly manner, hoping to save themselves the trouble of speaking to their child person-to-person. Practice communicating with your child in a firm but friendly way. Save your loud voice for emergencies.

REAL PEACE

"If we are not peaceful, if we are not feeling well in our skin, we cannot demonstrate real peace, and we cannot raise our children well either." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Real peace begins with inner peace. Inner peace is built upon self-acceptance. Unhappy people need constant reassurance that they are accepted, whereas happy people are grounded in self-acceptance. Self-acceptance embraces both pride in oneself and humbleness in relation to the world. Self-acceptance improves our relationships with others, including her children.

HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE

"If you really do put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." - Anonymous

We do our children no favor by thinking small and putting ourselves down. It is important to value yourself, trust yourself and have faith in yourself. If you don't trust yourself, if you don't have faith in yourself, your children will not trust you or have faith in you either. This is not to say that one should have arrogant self regard. Maintaining a healthy self-image is a gift we offer to our children.

HONEST COMMUNICATION

"In order to become more honest in our relationships, we need to stop thinking of honesty as cold, hard truth. We also need to abandon the notion that being honest with children means taking their inventories. Instead, we need to think of honesty and sharing our feelings, ideas, and mistakes and allowing our children to share theirs - without fear of rejection or recrimination. Honesty means expressing affection and making amends, recognizing strengths and achievements. It is a moral fresh air - healthy, cleansing, and restorative." -- Alex Packer

How easy it is to mistake honesty for harsh truths, when in fact honesty can be a refreshingly sweet tonic. Honesty in our relationships with our children must include the words, " I love you" just as freely as it emphasizes the words, " I'm upset with you."

YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF

"Remember you cannot change your children. You can only change yourself. So, in what ways could you be different that would make life more peaceful for yourself? If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got." - Noel Swanson

As parents, we're always looking for ways to change our children. What we should be looking for is ways to change ourselves. I'm not just talking about modeling, or setting an example. While these are helpful, our children don't always follow our example. They are however, affected by our moods, behaviors and attitudes. By remaining calm and reasonable when they are upset we create a more corporate atmosphere in the home.

Not Just The Best

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. -- Henry Van Dyke

Every child should be encouraged to develop and express his or her talents. We must be careful that we don't over play those children with special or obvious gifts. All children have talents. With some children we must look more carefully to discover them, however. Everyone needs encouragement and support.

BE YOURSELF

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself. - Lao-Tzu

How wonderful to be accepted just the way we are. Gentle acceptance is something we can also offer our children. As parents, we sometimes work too hard at trying to shape and mold our children rather than accepting them. When children feel accepted, they are more cooperative and less inclined to frustrate us. When they feel they can be themselves they are more likely to succeed as well.

THE PRACTICE OF PEACE

"If you, yourself, are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world." - Thomas Merton

As parents, we set a tone of peace or anxiousness in our home. The more we are able to practice peace and harmony, the easier it is for our children to learn and practice peace as well. The practice of peace begins with the voice. Speaking to one another in warm, calm tones is the beginning of peace. A shrill, raised voice always upsets the peace. It is possible to set limits and to discipline without raising one's voice.

DREAMS, GOALS AND REALITY

"If you want more control over a project, a business or your future, and a greater chance at meeting other long-term goals, it's a good idea to take the time necessary to get it down in writing." - Patt Borgman

"Writing something down is the first step toward making it happen. In conversation, you can get away with vagueness and nonsense, often without even realizing it. But there's something about putting your thoughts on paper that forces you to get down to specifics." - Lee Iacocca

As you reflect on the past year and look forward to 2009, here are some things that may help you achieve your goals. Goals can be thought of as dreams with deadlines. Dreams have a way of remaining ethereal, vague and unrealized. Goals, on the other hand, have a way of becoming your reality. The simplest way to realize your dreams is to turn your dreams into goals, write your goals down on paper, and give yourself a deadline for realizing them.

THE REAL WORK OF CHRISTMAS

Now that the Shepherds have returned to their flocks, the ribbons and wrapping papers have been discarded, the vacancy sign is back up at the inn and the leftovers are nearly all consumed, let us carry out the real work of Christmas, which is to:

welcome the stranger,

feed the hungry,

heal the sick,

visit the lonely,

comfort the afflicted,

bind up the broken hearted,

and share the good news of salvation.

Kid Stuff

by Frank Horne

The wise guys

Tell me

That Christmas

Is kid stuff...

Maybe they've got something there -

Two thousand years ago

Three wise guys

Chased a star

Across a continent

To bring

Frankincense and myrrh

To a kid

Born in a manger

With an idea in his head...

And as the bombs

Crash

All over the world

Today

The real wise guys

Know

That we've all

Got to go chasing stars

Again

In the hope

That we can get back

Some of that

Kid stuff

Born two thousand Years ago -

Take a Breather

A TIP FOR MANAGING STRESS AT THE HOLIDAYS

Be sure to take some time for yourself. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it's the bathroom for a few moments of solitude. Spending a few minutes alone, without distractions, will refresh you. Listen to soothing music. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.

Ask for Help

A TIP FOR MANAGING STRESS AT THE HOLIDAYS

Don't to play the martyr roll with holiday preparations. Ask for help and delegate certain responsibilities to others. If you try to do everything yourself, you will end up frazzled, stressed and resentful. The best thing to do is to you share your plans with other family members and enlist their corporation. If you are the only one who knows what your expectations are, you're bound to feel let down. Disappointment is usually the result of poorly communicated expectations.

Set Differences Aside

A TIP FOR MANAGING STRESS AT THE HOLIDAYS

The holidays are not time to set about restructuring personal relationships within the family. If you have unfinished business with parents, siblings or other relatives, set aside an appropriate time to deal with these issues, but don't use holiday gatherings for this purpose. With stress and high levels of activity, the holidays are not the best time to work on reshaping important relationships. Instead, practice acceptance and forgiveness. This does not mean, however, that you should tolerate verbal or emotional abuse. You can always practice self-respect.

Feel-good or Dreaded

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR TIME AT THE HOLIDAYS

Sort all the items on your holiday task list into two groups: feel-good and dreaded. Eliminate or modify as many of the dreaded tasks as possible. In most cases, won't be able to eliminate or successfully sweeten all of your dreaded tasks. However, if you balance or combine your dreaded tasks with your feel-good tasks, you will be surprised at how much better you will feel. This is an example of the principal, "A little bit of sugar helps the medicine go down." You may find that this strategy works equally well in other areas of your life.

Make a List

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR TIME AT THE HOLIDAYS

Make a list of everything you'd like to accomplish during this holiday season. Your list should be reasonable, realistic and honest. Next, divide your list into 4 parts: the first part will contain those things which are absolutely essential, such as shopping for groceries and gifts, responding to social invitations, attending children's school or church presentations, etc. The second part of your list will contain those activities that would be nice if you could accomplish them, but are not absolutely essential. The third part of your list will contain those things which are clearly optional. The fourth part of the list will be reserved for things you may want to consider for next year. This four-part list will keep you from becoming overwhelmed while helping you to focus on the things that are most important.

Give Coupons

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Give coupons that are redeemable as favors.

Examples:

• Babysitting


• Taking their kids for a weekend


• Massage


• Making a favorite meal


• Taking them shopping


• Taking them to the theater


• Cleaning their car


• Cleaning their house


• Organizing their party


• Organizing their files


• Organizing their office


• Organizing their photo albums


• Reading a book to them, in person or on an audio file


• Interviewing them on video


• Teaching them something you know, such as cooking, gardening, music, etc.


• Making something for them by hand


• Spending time together doing something they really enjoy