Thursday, October 30, 2008

Making Amends

"Children, too, need to learn how to make amends. Doing so allows them to take responsibility for their actions and to expiate the guilt and regret they often feel as a result of their misdeeds." - Alex Packer


Making amends is a healing activity which we can share with our children. As parents we can model this behavior as well as teach our children how to make amends. Through making amends, children are able to experience the healing power of personal responsibility and forgiveness.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Self-acceptance

"Self-acceptance is the beginning of confidence. To live successfully, realize that you were capable of making a mistake." - Maxwell Maltz


Self-acceptance always includes accepting our humanness. Our humanness includes the fact that all parents make mistakes. To be unwilling to accept the nature of our mistakes is to live in denial. Because we can go nowhere from where we are not, all change and personal growth begins by accepting our mistakes.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Strengths and Weaknesses

"How a family handles problems determines how functional they are. A trait of a low-functioning family is the inability to recognize its own strengths. Often we get so focused on what went wrong that we overlooked what went right." - Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison


It's important to acknowledge our strengths as well as our weaknesses. All families have problems and challenges. It is not useful to over emphasize weaknesses and under emphasize strengths. Success is more the result of building on the strengths that it is eliminating all weaknesses.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Perfectionism

"You don't have to be all things to your kids. And your kids don't want you to be either. It's a lot easier for them if they don't have to live up to someone who aspires to be God." -- Alex Packer


Perfectionism is a curse. God's love for us is not dependent on our past, our performance or our perfectionism. None of us can be a perfect parent, or perfect anything else. We must all practice the courage to be imperfect. Perfectionism is a burden that robs ones life of joy in spontaneity.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Put Away The iPod

"There comes a time when you've got to put away the Game Boys, turn off the television set, put away the iPod, and get your kids down to work." - Thomas L. Friedman


Friedman is a very busy man, but he has his priorities straight. As parents, we have to take responsibility to guide and direct our children rather then simply buy them the latest gadgets to entertain themselves so we don't have to deal with them one on one. Actively involved parents are a joy to their kids.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Learning

"Curiosity, experience and awareness are the keys to learning. The child is the natural student for whom learning is not work." - Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison


There is so much we can learn from our children. All we have to do is observe their eagerness to look at the world around them and learn how it works. They are naturally curious and trusting, eager to explore and discover what is around the next corner. We would do well to encourage and support their enthusiasm for learning.

Kara's New Career

Judy Wright interviews Kara Phillips about her new career as a Christian Life Coach




Kara's website

Friday, October 24, 2008

Unconditional Love

"We love those who know the worst of us - and don't turn their faces away." - Walker Percy


This is the essence of unconditional love. Our children need to know that we will never turn away from them, in spite of any mistakes they make or any bad decisions they make. We all need those special persons in our lives who will stand by us, no matter what. Parents who play this role will never be disappointed because children who feel loved and accepted are eager to earn our respect.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Structure and Chaos

"With no structure there is chaos. With total structure there is no room for emptiness." - M. Scott Peck


Healthy family life requires a proper balance between structure and chaos. With too much structure, there is no room for creativity, reflection and personal expression. Too much chaos leads to uncertainty and constant anxiety. Families need a meaningful level of predictability in order to function properly. It is our job as parents to provide this health balance for our children.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Control

The attempt to control everything that happens in the family only produces power struggles and conflicts.


When parents attempt to control their children - including their thoughts, feelings and behavior - this attempt ultimately backfires. When you believe it is possible for parents to control their children - and discover that you can't do it -abusive is inevitable. You will either abuse your children verbally, emotionally, or physically - or you will abuse yourself with shame and guilt. As parents, we have tremendous influence over the lives of our children. Influence is not the same as control, however. We cannot control their minds or their behavior. By using the full scope of our positive influence, however, we can encourage, guide and direct our children without causing destructive power struggles.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Approximation

"Catch people doing something approximately right." - Ken Blanchard


While Blanchard is here talking about managers in a business context, his wisdom applies to children as well. Children need encouragement in order to grow and perform well. We can encourage their effort as well as their cheerful attitude. It is unnecessary to wait until a child has done a task perfectly before we acknowledge them for their effort. Encouragement is not the same as false praise.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Be Willing To Have It So

"Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune." - William James


Our children often have a melt-down when things don't go exactly the way they want or expect. When that happens, we have an opportunity to teach them the importance of acceptance. Too often I see parents miss this opportunity entirely. Instead, they bribe their child with promises in an effort to distract them from their disappointment. It is better to use patient conversation to guide them in the way of acceptance.

Talk Slowly

Talk slowly but think quickly.


This is highly useful advice for parents. When we face an issue of discipline, resistance or disobedience with our child, it is very important to check our first impulse. Our first impulse is most often triggered by fear of losing control of the situation or we are acting on the reflexive desire to reinforce our authority. When we take a moment to think before we speak, we are more likely to avoid an emotional scene or a power struggle. You can always ask questions such as, "How do you see this?" Or, "What is important to you at this moment?" By asking non-threatening questions, you can buy yourself some time to think as well as calm your inner mind so that you can actually pay attention to your child rather than reacting to them.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Child in the Middle

"There is a great temptation to employ the child as an ally against other adults, especially when the others try to use him in that manner." - Rudolph Dreikurs


It is all too easy to use your child to advance your own agenda in a power struggle with your partner. This unfortunate strategy has terrible consequences for your child. When your child feels caught between competing parents, that child will become anxious and emotionally disturbed. Your child will begin to lie in an attempt to escape from being caught in the middle. Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to never put your child in the middle of your relationship when there is conflict.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Solitude

"A vital boundary issue is taking time for yourself. It's so tempting to get caught up in the flurry of day-to-day business, in activities involving the children, or in your relationship that it's easy to forget to take time for yourself." - Steven Farmer


Farmer correctly draws attention to the importance of time alone. Some people require more solitude than others. Solitude is often a difficult thing to ask for in marriage because your partner may interpret your request for solitude as a desire to avoid them. In fact, the need for solitude has very little to do with the other person in your life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Trust

"Trust comes from a sense of emotional safety, and emotional safety comes from parents being there for you with reasonable consistency." - Steven Farmer


Trust is an essential aspect of healthy relationships. Our children need to be able to trust us. Without trust, there is no emotional safety. This results in chronic anxiety and emotional insecurity. Always make a point to keep your word.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Kindness and Courage

“Life is mostly froth and bubble

Two things stand like a stone

KINDNESS in another’s trouble

COURAGE in your own.” — Adam Lindsey Gordon

Kindness is a healing balm for smoothing misery, a remedy for loneliness and alienation. Courage is the quality of mind that overcomes hesitancy and enables us to face our fears and challenges without shrinking or evading the task at hand. Kindness and courage are most precious gifts to be shared with our children.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay


While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay


While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Excellence Through Practice

"Help your children understand that excellence in education cannot be achieved without intellectual and moral integrity coupled by hard work and commitment." - National Commission on Excellence in Education, 1983.


There are no shortcuts to excellence, whether in education, the arts, business or sports. Aristotle wrote, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." We need to encourage our children to develop the habit of excellence. Excellence only comes with repeated practice. While our children often resist practicing, it is our job as parents to encourage and support the virtues of repetition and practice.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

People Need Joy

"People need joy quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more." - Margaret Collier Graham


How often do we think about providing our children with joy? And yet joy is as essential as clothing to sustain the life of our children. A joyful Child is more apt to become a creative and productive adult than a joyless child. A joyful home nourishes the spirits of all who enter as well as all who abide there.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Influence

Influence


"We are all generals. Whatever action we take may influence the course of civilization." - M. Scott Peck


If, as Peck observes, our actions may influence the course of civilization, how much more do our actions influence the character and development of our children. Our children are watching us as they learn to relate of one another, make choices and decisions. What will your children conclude from watching you as you face important and difficult decisions?