Saver or Spender

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Identify which of you tends to be the spender and which tends to be the saver. In every relationship, one person takes on the role of the spender while the other takes on the role of the saver. In the process, we project a part of ourselves onto our partner. For example, the saver projects their "inner spender" on to their partner while the spender protects their "inner saver" on to their partner. This way we avoid taking personal responsibility for our attitudes. Instead of struggling internally about how to balance the family budget, we engage in a power struggle with our partner. When you understand this, there's no longer any need for the power struggle. You just need to work things out together.

Parental Authority

"The authority of the parents versus the freedom of expression by their children, is a common challenge in households. Children have hope and the future on their side; adults have maturity and wisdom on theirs. But parental authority is wrong when it results in punishment brought on by a lack of open-mindedness and understanding. Discipline properly executed on the child, who secretly craves guidance, must have creative characteristics rather than destructive traits. Discipline is more a test of the adult who uses it to of the child who receives it." - Maxwell Maltz

Too many families are locked in power struggles between parents and children. Children need our discipline and guidance. What they fight against is closed mindedness and rigid thinking on the part of parents. Discipline must be creative, open-minded and aimed always at the social and moral development of the child, and not simply a defense of parental authority.

Child in the Middle

"There is a great temptation to employ the child as an ally against other adults, especially when the others try to use him in that manner." - Rudolph Dreikurs

It is all too easy to use your child to advance your own agenda in a power struggle with your partner. This unfortunate strategy has terrible consequences for your child. When your child feels caught between competing parents, that child will become anxious and emotionally disturbed. Your child will begin to lie in an attempt to escape from being caught in the middle. Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to never put your child in the middle of your relationship when there is conflict.