This is a hard lesson for all of us to learn. While each of us would like to manage our own public relations campaign, this is ultimately impossible. It is important to help our children realize that they cannot control what others think of them. We must all learn to do our best and let the chips fall where they may.
Prather invites us to be fully present in the moment. He calls us to live in the now, to see our children as one-of-kind individuals and to refrain from comparisons and evaluations. Grading children on a curve wounds the soul.
We can learn a great deal from our children as long as we're open minded and humble enough to let them teach us. As parents, we may mistakenly believe it is our job to teach and our Children's job to learn from us. One of the real joys of parenthood is the privilege of living in the same house with little persons who are discovering the world for the first time. We can learn so much from their curiosity, excitement and enthusiasm.
Some of us were taught that it is wrong to love ourselves. This was a serious mistake made by parents in previous generations. They did not understand the proper relationship between love of self and love of others. John Powell, a Jesuit scholar with degrees in theology and psychology, understands the proper relationship between love of others and love of self.
"In the face of an obstacle which is impossible to overcome, stubbornness is stupid." -- Simóne de Beauvoir
Sometimes we worry too much about being thought of as a quitter. Knowing when to quit is a sign of good judgment. As a parent we need to strike a balance between letting our kids quit something they have started and encouraging them to press on when they are filled with normal discouragement which is the result of facing a difficult task. Knowing when to quit can be a sign of real maturity and wisdom.
"The best chance the child has of securing a level of high self-esteem is to have parents who possess it, model it, and want to instill it in their children." - Bettie Youngs
Modeling good self-esteem is one of the most important things that parents can do for their children. Children learn more from who we are than what we say to them. Self-esteem is an internal resource that enables your children to meet the challenges they face. Without healthy self-esteem, children are less able to benefit from their native intelligence or athletic skills.
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile is the source of your joy. - Thich Nhat Hanh
This Buddhist holy man knows that we can change our moods by changing our behavior. Sometimes our joy comes from a simple decision to act kindly, give unsparingly or smile broadly. Too often we overvalue spontaneity and undervalue the decision to practice being joyful.
"One of the most notable characteristics of worrying is that it fragments our lives… [it] causes us to be 'all over the place,' but seldom at home… We know where we belong, but we keep being pulled away in many directions, as if we were still homeless. 'All these other things' keep us so far from home that we eventually forget our true address, that is, the place where we can be addressed." - Henry Nouwen
Nouwen eloquently points to the dangers of worry to pull us off center. Then he sneaks up on us by reminding us that our serenity can only be experienced when we are open to be addressed by the creator. When we remember that the creator is also the one who surrounds our lives with truth, beauty and love, our worries disappear.
"When we are not sure, we are alive." - Graham Greene
Life is uncertain because the future is unknown. While uncertainty is an essential part of living, it is also the primary source of our anxiety. We are most anxious when our future is especially unpredictable, precarious and surrounded by danger. Consequently, we do all we can to fashion order and predictability. In spite of our best efforts, however, life remains uncertain and we are never sure. But we are alive! To have absolute certainty about tomorrow is to be dead, for when we are dead, there are no more surprises and no more decisions with unknown consequences. The good news is that uncertainty always contains new possibilities while absolute certainty offers neither possibilities nor opportunities for creative expression. Facing an unknown future is the very essence of life, without which there can be neither satisfaction nor fulfillment.
"Going through the motions can trigger the emotions. Surely you've noticed. You're in a testy mood, but when the phone rings you feign cheer while talking to a friend. Strangely, after hanging up, you no longer feel so grumpy. Such is the value of social occasions--they impel us to behave as if we were happy, which in fact helps free us from our unhappiness." - David Meyers
Psychologists have long known the power of changing behavior in order to change attitudes and emotions. In the Alcoholics Anonymous community this strategy is simply called, "fake it 'til you make it." What ever you call it, it is a simple, straightforward strategy for improving your outlook and your life.
Brooks encourages us all to be less self-serving and more attuned to the needs of those around us. Family life, when it is truly rewarding and worthwhile, is based on serving the needs of others. This is in contrast to the "me" generation in which service has been replaced by self-expression and self-indulgence. Life is most rewarding when consideration for others is the center that holds.
"Rancor is an outpouring of a feeling of inferiority." - Jose Ortega y Gasset
Those with good self-esteem are neither bitter nor rancorous. Only the small minded and petty imagine themselves as beneath others are therefore filled with bitter envy. Their bluster and indignation is nothing but a cover-up for their sense of inadequacy.
Why would we strive to master a subject through education if we had no desire to experience life differently as a result? To learn is to become something more than we were before we learned a subject. The most important thing to learn, or course, is how to master ourselves.
Melody Beattie speaks from experience and says it all. Gratitude is a powerful attitude changer that transforms ones life.
"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Why is this so? Action requires a different level of commitment than does thinking. It is easy to think of a good idea, imagine a result, envision a completed project. In our imagination, there is no penalty for failure, no evaluation of outcomes, no report card. When we take decisive action to turn our thoughts and dreams into action, everything changes. We must take risks in the real world, expend more energy, burn more calories, exert more effort, acquire resources, solve problems, enlist the help of others and expose ourselves and our ideas to the evaluation and criticism of others. This takes much more courage than thinking.
That first day of school is the beginning of the end. We are no longer the sole source of guidance and wisdom for our child. The day our first child uttered the words, "Teacher said…" was the end of me reign as king of her universe. From that day on, I had to share her with others who would influence her thoughts and dreams.
Our children need those champions in there lives that will support their imagination, creativity and sense of wonder. They need this as much as they need safe homes and quality schools. Without imagination, their lives will be dull, regardless of their education.
"Sports do not build character, they reveal it." -- Heywood Hale Broun
This is a good thing for parents to remember. You build character in your kids at home. They watch your actions, your choices and your decisions. If you model character for them and demonstrate character through discipline when they take short cuts, their character will serve them well. Don't expect some coach to build their character once they begin to play sports.While Le Shan's observation is unsettling, it is also true in all too many cases. Too many children have spend their entire childhood and youth in structured activities such as daycare, school and organized sports. They have never developed their natural ability to explore, improvise, and discover the natural world around them. Make a point to allow your child enough free, unstructured time.
You will very unhappy if your actions are consistently out of sync with your beliefs. While no one is perfect and we all fall short of living up to our own standards, to continually do things that you don't believe in will destroy your soul. Make it a point to live according to your convictions and you will find peace and joy in your life.
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change." - Barbara De Angelis
De Angelis makes a very bold statement about happiness and change. She challenges the attitudes held by many who believe that happiness is managed by fate, or by circumstances beyond our control. Happiness is a choice. Your attitude is a choice. You hold in your hand the power to decide. You can decide about the life you want.
"In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do." - Stephen R. Covey
Dr. Covey understands the proper role of parents. Living a life of integrity in the presence of our children is far more instructive than the words we say. This is not to say we should remain silent about values and virtues but rather that our instruction is far more effective when our words are matched and modeled in our deeds.
"The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes." - Victor Frankl
Frankl's famous book, From Death Camp to Existentialism is the elegant story of how he remained in charge of his attitude under the most trying circumstances. He learned that his captors could not control his attitude about his fate. He learned that he alone was in charge of his own attitude. Too often we complain that others have put us in a bad mood or ruined our day. This is an excuse.
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Goethe
"A year from now you will wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb
In these two quotations, Lamb and Goethe encourage us to take action now! There is no substitute for resolute action, especially when that action begins immediately. Entrepreneurs are action prone, always preferring action to contemplation. Contemplation and reflection have their place but without action there can be no result, no fruit, no accomplishment, and no creation.
Self-mastery
"The lion who breaks the enemy's ranks is a minor hero compared to the lion who overcomes himself." - Rumi
Rumi, the great Persian poet and mystic understood the importance of self mastery. If we cannot master ourselves we will be unable to accomplish the things we dream of. Self-mastery, like self-discipline, requires that we remember what is most important and keep that as the focus of our attention. Whatever captured and retains our attention determines the course of our lives.
