Solitude

"A vital boundary issue is taking time for yourself. It's so tempting to get caught up in the flurry of day-to-day business, in activities involving the children, or in your relationship that it's easy to forget to take time for yourself." - Steven Farmer

Farmer correctly draws attention to the importance of time alone. Some people require more solitude than others. Solitude is often a difficult thing to ask for in marriage because your partner may interpret your request for solitude as a desire to avoid them. In fact, the need for solitude has very little to do with the other person in your life.

Trust

"Trust comes from a sense of emotional safety, and emotional safety comes from parents being there for you with reasonable consistency." - Steven Farmer

Trust is an essential aspect of healthy relationships. Our children need to be able to trust us. Without trust, there is no emotional safety. This results in chronic anxiety and emotional insecurity. Always make a point to keep your word.

Kindness and Courage

“Life is mostly froth and bubble

Two things stand like a stone

KINDNESS in another’s trouble

COURAGE in your own.” — Adam Lindsey Gordon

Kindness is a healing balm for smoothing misery, a remedy for loneliness and alienation. Courage is the quality of mind that overcomes hesitancy and enables us to face our fears and challenges without shrinking or evading the task at hand. Kindness and courage are most precious gifts to be shared with our children.

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay

While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay

While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.

Excellence Through Practice

"Help your children understand that excellence in education cannot be achieved without intellectual and moral integrity coupled by hard work and commitment." - National Commission on Excellence in Education, 1983.

There are no shortcuts to excellence, whether in education, the arts, business or sports. Aristotle wrote, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." We need to encourage our children to develop the habit of excellence. Excellence only comes with repeated practice. While our children often resist practicing, it is our job as parents to encourage and support the virtues of repetition and practice.

People Need Joy

"People need joy quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more." - Margaret Collier Graham

How often do we think about providing our children with joy? And yet joy is as essential as clothing to sustain the life of our children. A joyful Child is more apt to become a creative and productive adult than a joyless child. A joyful home nourishes the spirits of all who enter as well as all who abide there.

Influence

Influence

"We are all generals. Whatever action we take may influence the course of civilization." - M. Scott Peck

If, as Peck observes, our actions may influence the course of civilization, how much more do our actions influence the character and development of our children. Our children are watching us as they learn to relate of one another, make choices and decisions. What will your children conclude from watching you as you face important and difficult decisions?