Process is Everything!

"Process is everything. We can only teach kindness kindly. We can only teach respect by being respectful. We can only teach politeness by being polite with our children. You can't say, 'You stupid idiot, I said to be polite!'" -- John Gottman

Children learn more from how we conduct ourselves with them than from what we talk about to them. Our actions and our words must be consistent. Children are very sensitive to phoniness. When our words and behavior don't match, our children will imitate how we act more often than following what we say.

Unconditional Love

"We love those who know the worst of us - and don't turn their faces away." - Walker Percy

This is the essence of unconditional love. Our children need to know that we will never turn away from them, in spite of any mistakes they make or any bad decisions they make. We all need those special persons in our lives who will stand by us, no matter what. Parents who play this role will never be disappointed because children who feel loved and accepted are eager to earn our respect.

How Others See Us

"We break our necks to earn respect and admiration, only to discover that we really have no control over how others perceive us." - Anne Wilson Schaef

This is a hard lesson for all of us to learn. While each of us would like to manage our own public relations campaign, this is ultimately impossible. It is important to help our children realize that they cannot control what others think of them. We must all learn to do our best and let the chips fall where they may.