Setting the Pattern

"The quality of our relationships with their parents creates a pattern. If, as children, we experienced guilt or disapproval then we will continue to attract and associate with people who treat us as 'bad' people. Similarly, if we experienced love and approval as children, then, as adults we will gravitate toward people who treat us with respect. In short, we attract what we expect and the world treats us as we believe we deserve to be treated. - Andrew Matthews

One of the important gifts we can give our children is a positive self-image. By treating our children with respect, we create for them a firm foundation for their lives. On the other hand, if we treat them harshly and with negative evaluation, we will cripple them for life. As parents, we have a tremendous influence over the mental and emotional development of our children. We can't not influence them. Their lives will be shaped by the way we treat them. Treat them well.

Control

The attempt to control everything that happens in the family only produces power struggles and conflicts.

When parents attempt to control their children - including their thoughts, feelings and behavior - this attempt ultimately backfires. When you believe it is possible for parents to control their children - and discover that you can't do it -abusive is inevitable. You will either abuse your children verbally, emotionally, or physically - or you will abuse yourself with shame and guilt. As parents, we have tremendous influence over the lives of our children. Influence is not the same as control, however. We cannot control their minds or their behavior. By using the full scope of our positive influence, however, we can encourage, guide and direct our children without causing destructive power struggles.

Influence

Influence

"We are all generals. Whatever action we take may influence the course of civilization." - M. Scott Peck

If, as Peck observes, our actions may influence the course of civilization, how much more do our actions influence the character and development of our children. Our children are watching us as they learn to relate of one another, make choices and decisions. What will your children conclude from watching you as you face important and difficult decisions?