THE CHILD AS ALLY

"There is a great temptation to employ the child as an ally against other adults, especially when the others try to use him in that manner." - Rudolph Dreikurs

All too often, parents pit a child against their other parent. A parent may do this by claiming that the child is offended by something the other parent says or does. When, in fact, it is the adult who takes offense at their partner's actions or words. It is never appropriate for one parent to recruit a child as an ally against the other parent. This confuses children and puts them in a loyalty bind.

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay

While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.

Individuality

"If a man is not faithful to his own individuality, he cannot be loyal to anything." - Claude McKay

While McKay was referring to adults, the same can be said for adolescents as well. The task of adolescence is to develop one's own individuality, one's own identity, one's own point of view that is separate from their parents. In order to develop properly, adolescents need enough emotional room to be loyal to themselves without becoming obstinately defiant toward their parents. This requires a delicate balance that few families successfully establish.