Ask for Help

A TIP FOR MANAGING STRESS AT THE HOLIDAYS

Don't to play the martyr roll with holiday preparations. Ask for help and delegate certain responsibilities to others. If you try to do everything yourself, you will end up frazzled, stressed and resentful. The best thing to do is to you share your plans with other family members and enlist their corporation. If you are the only one who knows what your expectations are, you're bound to feel let down. Disappointment is usually the result of poorly communicated expectations.

Set Differences Aside

A TIP FOR MANAGING STRESS AT THE HOLIDAYS

The holidays are not time to set about restructuring personal relationships within the family. If you have unfinished business with parents, siblings or other relatives, set aside an appropriate time to deal with these issues, but don't use holiday gatherings for this purpose. With stress and high levels of activity, the holidays are not the best time to work on reshaping important relationships. Instead, practice acceptance and forgiveness. This does not mean, however, that you should tolerate verbal or emotional abuse. You can always practice self-respect.

Feel-good or Dreaded

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR TIME AT THE HOLIDAYS

Sort all the items on your holiday task list into two groups: feel-good and dreaded. Eliminate or modify as many of the dreaded tasks as possible. In most cases, won't be able to eliminate or successfully sweeten all of your dreaded tasks. However, if you balance or combine your dreaded tasks with your feel-good tasks, you will be surprised at how much better you will feel. This is an example of the principal, "A little bit of sugar helps the medicine go down." You may find that this strategy works equally well in other areas of your life.

Make a List

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR TIME AT THE HOLIDAYS

Make a list of everything you'd like to accomplish during this holiday season. Your list should be reasonable, realistic and honest. Next, divide your list into 4 parts: the first part will contain those things which are absolutely essential, such as shopping for groceries and gifts, responding to social invitations, attending children's school or church presentations, etc. The second part of your list will contain those activities that would be nice if you could accomplish them, but are not absolutely essential. The third part of your list will contain those things which are clearly optional. The fourth part of the list will be reserved for things you may want to consider for next year. This four-part list will keep you from becoming overwhelmed while helping you to focus on the things that are most important.

Give Coupons

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Give coupons that are redeemable as favors.

Examples:

• Babysitting


• Taking their kids for a weekend


• Massage


• Making a favorite meal


• Taking them shopping


• Taking them to the theater


• Cleaning their car


• Cleaning their house


• Organizing their party


• Organizing their files


• Organizing their office


• Organizing their photo albums


• Reading a book to them, in person or on an audio file


• Interviewing them on video


• Teaching them something you know, such as cooking, gardening, music, etc.


• Making something for them by hand


• Spending time together doing something they really enjoy

Hand Made Gifts

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Most of us will open a hand addressed card or envelope before we will open a card or envelope that has a printed label. We know that a hand addressed card or envelope is from someone who knows us personally. It comes from someone who values us and their relationship with us enough to take the time to make it personal. This same sentiment applies to hand made gifts. While children may dismiss any gift that is not from their "most wanted" list, adults appreciate the deeper meaning that accompanies hand made gifts.

Be Creative

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Use your creativity and imagination to cut costs of gifts. Perhaps the most common way to manage the cost of gift giving in large families is to draw names. There are several other creative alternatives that will save money while still satisfying your spirit of giving. By giving a modest donation to the person's favorite charity in honor them and satisfy your own spirit of giving at the same time. It is like getting three gifts for the price of one: you, the recipient of your gift and the recipient of your donation.

Money as Stored Personality

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Recognize that money is stored personality. You express your personality and values in the way you manage money - spending, saving and investing. Couples should not shy away from money discussions. They should face each other squarely and discuss the values that matter to them. Too often couples imagine that arguments about money can be avoided by each having a separate checking account. This is a silly assumption because your marriage is a singular financial entity. Bankruptcy involves both of you. Talk about money often and begin first by finding the values you agree on. Then move on to the areas where you have differences and make compromises you can both live with…because you both reap the consequences of each others actions, whether you have shared in the decisions or not.

KEEP EACH OTHER INFORMED

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Keep each other fully informed of your spending as you go through this season. This can be done by making agreements in advance, or by updating one another on a regular basis. Keeping your partner informed about your spending does not necessarily equate to getting their permission. Some couples prefer to split up the list of persons they buy gifts for. It's easy to let certain spending behaviors slip through the cracks when using credit cards and the Internet for purchases. The most important thing is to keep talking about what you are spending.

Saver or Spender

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Identify which of you tends to be the spender and which tends to be the saver. In every relationship, one person takes on the role of the spender while the other takes on the role of the saver. In the process, we project a part of ourselves onto our partner. For example, the saver projects their "inner spender" on to their partner while the spender protects their "inner saver" on to their partner. This way we avoid taking personal responsibility for our attitudes. Instead of struggling internally about how to balance the family budget, we engage in a power struggle with our partner. When you understand this, there's no longer any need for the power struggle. You just need to work things out together.

Reality Check

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR TIME AT THE HOLIDAYS

Begin with a reality check. What are the current time constraints that you can and cannot control? Be realistic. This is no time to bite off more than you can chew. Be generous while estimating time. Tasks, such as shopping, usually take more time than we expect. Be gentle with yourself when you get behind.

Decide Together

A TIP FOR MANAGING YOUR SPENDING AT THE HOLIDAYS

Make a mutual decision about spending limits. Every family has limited resources when it comes to holiday spending. By making a mutual decision on spending limits, you will avoid conflicts in your relationship and minimize the post holiday hangover from excessive credit debt.

Authority and Amends

"The purpose of making amends is to undo errors, repair damage, and make ourselves and those we have wronged feel better." - Alex Packer

The making of amends is a powerful tool for healing broken relationships. This is especially meaningful for parents in recovery. Some parents in recovery imagine that making amends to their children will undermine their authority. Nothing could be further from the truth. Honesty and humility strengthen the authority of parents rather than undermined it.

AFFIRMATIONS FOR A STRESS-FREE HOLIDAY

12 AFFIRMATIONS FOR A STRESS-FREE HOLIDAY

By Thomas and Judy Wright

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1. I will remember that stress comes from within me. It is my reaction to situations and events around me.

2. I will live one day at a time.

3. I will do one thing at a time.

4. I will do the best I can, then put it away and not worry about it.

5. I will learn from my mistakes while being gentle with myself.

6. I will remind myself that there are always options.

7. I will treat all people with respect, including myself.

8. I will take time to enjoy my affectionate relationships.

9. I will express my feelings honestly each day.

10. I will attend to my real needs.

11. I will take time to gently grieve my losses.

12. I will attend to my spiritual needs in ways that comfort me.

Rebuilding Trust

"Once a child develops a feeling of distrust for his parents, the feeling extends into personal isolation and general feelings of unsureness, personal imbalance, and rebellion." - Virginia Satir

Rebuilding damaged trust is a major task for parents and recovery. By the time parents get into recovery, they have usually destroyed a lot of trust that their children once had in them. This trust can be repaired but it takes time, patience and steady goodwill.

Sharing Self-respect

"Dare to be different; share your self-respect with others." -- Maxwell Maltz

Sharing self-respect should be easy. It should be a natural thing to do. Sharing your self-respect with your children will benefit you both. What would this mean in practice? It means modeling self-respect and respecting your children. Treating your children with respect is the best way to model self-respect.

One Day at a Time

"Teaching our children to live one day at a time is one of the greatest gifts we can offer them. It means teaching them to be patient and accepting, to have faith and perspective. It means encouraging them to take good care of themselves, to seek progress rather than perfection." - Alex Parker

Children are inpatient by nature. They will learn patience from our example as well as from our instruction. Our calm encouragement helps them to be more accepting of themselves and others. When we support their progress rather than demanding perfection, we help them to live one day at a time.

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Forgive Your Parents

"Our parents brought us the best way they knew how. Based on the information they had, and the example that was set for them, they ventured forth into the unknown territory known as 'parenthood.' To blame them endlessly for a lousy job of parenting is fruitless and destructive." -- Andrew Matthews

It's time to forgive your parents and stop blaming them for screwing up your life. You have both the ability and responsibility to make your own life work, regardless of how your parents lived their lives. Just see to it that your children have a better foundation for their lives then you were given for yours.

Giving and Getting

"There is no established rule that says one person has to do all the giving and everyone else does the getting. Yet some families cripple themselves by appointing a specific person to be the giver, and nothing ever changes." - Virginia Satir

It is important for children to witness their parents sharing, not only household tasks, but the emotional give-and-take of a healthy relationship as well. Otherwise, they will grow up with distorted ideas about relationships. A good marriage is a relationship in which there is a high degree of mutual the satisfaction. While none of us will ever get all we want or expect from our partner, but we can negotiate in good faith to meet one another's needs.

Peace and Power

"Most people want peace without the aloneness of power. And they want the self-confidence of adulthood without having to grow up." - M. Scott Peck

To become a competent parent takes courage. We must accept our power to shape our children's lives for good or for ill. We won't become self-confident by being their chums. Peace and power are two sides of the same coin.